It seems as though the event of “death” is a difficult visualization in all facets of the concept. Although it is the one universal that everyone experiences after birth, it seems that no two opinions about it are the exact same. Humans are naturally inclined to postulate about what cannot be seen. We create tools, filters, simulations, and anything possible to allow a peek into the “unseen”. Microscopes to see up close, telescopes to see far away, and cameras to freeze a moment in time. The unknown creates unease; knowing helps alleviate it. Although we might never understand what it means to die, I wondered if I could get closer to seeing it.
In order to expand my understanding of this ineffable process, I sought a wide range of death-perceptions (a word I just created for this context) in hopes of creating something bigger than the sum of its parts. I talked to friends, family, teachers, strangers, anyone I could reach, resulting in a wide range of contrasting ideas. Words from those who often contemplate “the end” and those who were uncomfortable with the topic.
Using my interviews as prompts, I sought to visualize what people confided in me and connect it with my own appreciation and awe for mortality. I observed the world, living and dying, around me, connecting seemingly dissonant subjects. It is a step closer to creating a whole from parts. Photography can only provide mere representations of an immaterial idea, but it can prompt consideration of an omnipresence that everyone must come to terms with.
Humans are always finding ways to uncover mystery. I observed a beautiful instance of this during the recent solar eclipse; hordes of people with their necks craned, waiting to see a shadow fall over the earth. Solar filter glasses reveal a sliver of the sun concealed by the moon, perceived as a moment of magic until the sun dissolves back into frame. These glimpses are a reminder of the magic all around, and to notice it, even occasionally, helps navigate fear.
“It was everything and nothing at all” - A man recalling his experience of dying on the operating table during surgery at nine years old.
“It makes me think of stars because they are constantly dying”
“I don’t think dying is the end. I think when we die, we just change frequency. So now we are in really dense matter, and I think when we die, we don’t have the physical body anymore, but nothing else changes besides losing your physical body.”
“It reminds me of a river. Moving on. You never can step in the same river twice.”
“So many people don’t want to know. So many people have no opinions of what happens when you die and they don’t want to have any. They don’t want to think about it.”
“Some people thought it was a miracle. The basis of it, it was bacteria. The reason this was happening was bacteria reacting to other things, but also isn’t bacteria a miracle? Miracles can happen on such a small scale.” - A thought about red bacteria that grew in a church Eucharist.
“I feel like it is something we should see or kinda protect which is why I wanted to keep it. Just to keep it for a longer time instead of having it rot if I throw it in the back yard” - A woman talking about a quail she preserved in the freezer after finding it dead in her front yard
“The idea of heaven and hell to me is a mindset that I use in my day-to-day. Not that I think there is necessarily a heaven or hell but I want to live in a way that I feel is good and that helps me frame it.”
“It goes by so fast. It’s day after day after day, we’re aging. Slowly but surely. And I see it. It’s all going too fast. Everyone wants everything fast, and I just wanna slow down. I just want it to stop, but that wouldn’t help either cuz I would just not be able to grasp what I have. I don’t think I will fully understand until you rip it from my hands. When I’m dead. And then I’ll finally start to maybe get what I had.”
“I see what you see. There’s beauty in the folds and shapes.” - A man who noticed me photographing the dead cat and reminisced about photos he has taken of death.
“I wish I could just be planted in the forest. I don’t really want to be turned into ash. It’s not natural”
“The energy continues onward and it’s not going to be destroyed. It’s also a peaceful thought. I don’t want my consciousness to keep living because that sounds like a nightmare.”
“We are just such a tiny, tiny, tiny dot in the universe, and our definition of life is so strict.”
“I think we experience death every day”
“I visualize light. Maybe a pale yellow color. I think it’s because I’ve seen so many videos of people who had near-death experiences and they talk about a light coming to them. And then a feeling of peace when they are in those little moments where they are dead.”